Change Your Perspective

I went to a baptism this weekend, where a young father was getting baptized and the person I was there to support was the mother of his wife. About 21 years ago, I was this young wife. Sitting at this baptism, I began to shift my perspective from mine to that of my mother as I put myself in the shoes of my friend. I could see the love she had for her daughter and the joy for her son-in-law's new commitment to the gospel. I began to imagine how my mom must have felt at my husband's baptism.

Oh, how things change with perspective.

When was the last time you looked at your family scripture study from the perspective of your kids? Instead of getting frustrated that they won't sit still, won't listen, won't be reverent, have you taken the time to consider why?

Put yourself in your toddler's shoes (if she will put them on today) and consider how she feels during study time. Is she included? Does she learn? Is she bored?

How about your young elementary child? Does he have a hard time sitting still? What if you let him move about during study time? Why if he could draw or build while you read? Does he get frustrated with the difficult words? Are you patient while he sounds out new words?

I know, what about your teen? She is bored to tears waiting for the little one to figure out how that the word still says "people" for the third time. How can you include her? Have you asked her what she needs? Is she learning anything? What could she do to help?

How could a change in perspective change your scripture study tonight?

I Will Go, I Will Do

I enjoyed General Conference on Easter weekend and took many notes. I'm excited to share with you some of the things I learned, but tonight at our family scripture study we read about Nephi obtaining the plates of brass and it made me think about doing things that seem impossible.


Our family discussed how easy it would have been for Nephi and the other brothers to give up and go back to Lehi without the plates. It would make sense. They tried twice, almost got killed, lost all their money, and were running for their lives. There is not much more they could have done. 

However, Nephi knew that God had commanded them to get the plates and he was not going to go back to his father without them. He had faith that the Lord would make it happen.

How many times do we feel like we have done everything we could to follow the commandment of studying the scriptures as a family, yet it doesn't seem to work? "We have tried many times. We can't find a time in the day where we are all together. We have kids who can't sit still and can't read, they just aren't ready. I'm tired of fighting my teens, who don't want to participate." (What is your excuse?)

Ask yourself if you have enough faith to move forward "not knowing beforehand the things which (you) should do" (1 Nephi 4:6). What miracles will come your way because you did not give up? What lessons will you teach your kids of persistence and obedience? 

Let's not return to our Father in the wilderness and tell him we tried, but it was just too hard. He will make a way for you to "accomplish the thing which he hath commanded you" (1 Nephi 3;15).

Please share problems and solutions you have found to family scriptures study. I am always amazed at the creative solutions shared with me.

New Beginnings

These past few weeks have made me think of new beginnings. We got to participate in a baptism, it was the beginning of Spring, and of course today we are celebrating Easter, the ultimate new beginning. 

Each of these times in our life is an opportunity to reflect on things past and consider ways to improve as we move forward. We can set new goals and begin to reach higher like many do on New Years Day. The more I thought of these times, the more I realized that we have this chance each day. As we kneel in prayer at the close of each day we can take the time to reflect on the successes and failures of that day, and each morning as we greet the new day, we can begin anew. 

We understand the importance of family scripture study and the blessings it will bring, but many times it is crowded out of our lives by other activities. Don't let past failures dictate future success. Remember that each day is a new day. Make it happen!


Consider:
1) What is stopping our family scripture study?
2) What can I do to solve this problem?
3) How can other members of the family help?
4) What am I going to do TODAY to make family scripture study a success today?

Varsity or JV?

My son started playing high school lacrosse this year. He was hoping to make the varsity team even though he is only a freshman and is on the small side. I think he was a little disappointed when he found out he was on the JV team. 

However, he has now played five games and has had some great opportunities. He is one of the leaders on the defense and has had lots of playing time. He will be able to grow as a player and a leader while he is a member of the JV squad, while if he was on varsity he would be fighting for playing time and feeling left behind in his skills. JV is where he belongs for now.

Are your kids ready for varsity scripture study or does JV fit your family for now? It doesn't help to push your kids past the point for which they are ready. You should set them up for success so that they can prepare for the varsity squad. Here's some suggestions: 

1) Allow her to grow through practice:
Don't worry about having the perfect scripture study, do a little each time. Don't give up, practice makes perfect.


2) Let him use the skills he has:
Is he learning to read? Let him read the words he knows. Does he like to draw or act? Use those skills in your study. Have him make a tower or fort with legos to act out parts of the story.

3) Let her be a leader: 
Have her help the younger children. Have her ask questions as you read. Let her choose what to study.

4) Help him have success:
Try studying stories that he is familiar with. Make sure to study in small segments, so the study time is enjoyable, not tedious. 

5) Prepare her for varsity:
Make sure to ask questions that will get her to think. Stop studying in the middle of an exciting story. You will be surprised when she asks to keep studying. Praise her desire to learn, and pick up the story the next day.

Try using my book "Small and Simple Keys of Protection." It will help you set your child up for scripture study varsity success.

Do You Show Your Kids a Mirror?

Have you ever considered why your mouth waters when you see someone else bite into a lemon? Or why you flinch when you see someone get hit by a pop fly?

Scientists have discovered something called mirror neurons which could explain this phenomenon. Through studies of both monkey and human brains, scientists found that the same part of the brain is used when doing an action as when watching someone perform the same action. Proving that watching and doing can elicit the same feelings.

We can apply this new discovery to helping our children learn to love the scriptures.

1) Let your children see you reading the scriptures. I know it is easy to read when the kids aren't around, but consider reading sometimes while they are playing or eating lunch. Let them see that you make scripture study a priority.

2) Read to your kids from the scriptures. As you read, use your voice to add feelings and voices to the stories. Help them see and feel your love of the scriptures.

3) Read and cross reference with your kids. Show them how you can learn from studying the scriptures. Show them how to highlight interesting parts that you would like to remember.

Thanks to the mirror neurons we can now understand that being an example to our kids really does make a difference. Let your kids see themselves in you.

Are Your Kids Paying Attention?

Have you ever considered the phrase "Paying Attention?"

Interesting that the way this phrase is used equates attention to money. Can you pay attention like you pay money? In one way it is very similar: they are both finite resources. You only have a specific amount of "attention" and you need to choose where to spend it. 

Consider the countless things that surround you at any one time. Close your eyes and listen to the layers of sound, the different scents, and even the textures of things touching your skin. Now open your eyes and see the colors, shapes and movement all around you. It's no wonder the brain shuts out this avalanche of information and focuses on what seems to be most important at the time. 

So, how do you help your kids choose to "pay" their limited attention on scripture study? Here's some tips:

1) Kids learn in different ways. Experiment with different study tools and see what clicks. Try taking notes (or drawing pictures), try letting them just listen (maybe following along, maybe not), try letting them read silently and look for answers, maybe your child needs movement, let her stand or walk as she reads.

2) Ask good questions. We all know that when we have a focused job to do, it forces you to pay attention. Give the kids something to search for in the scriptures while you are reading. (See my book "Small and Simple Keys of Protection" for great questions already designed for your Book of Mormon study.)

3) Take it in small chunks. Don't worry about finishing a chapter. Study a few verses and discuss what you learned. 

4) Offer rewards. Have skittles or goldfish handy for rewards of reading or answering questions, etc.

5) Add in some unexpected sounds, words, or movements and see who notices. Maybe use the above rewards for those who are "paying attention."

6) Add some meditation to your prayer time. You probably already begin scripture study with prayer. Now, just add some time to teach your kids a calming breathing exercise: Close your eyes and take a deep breath to the count of 4. Then exhale to the count of 6. Repeat. Each time pause a moment before inhaling or exhaling. This will help calm the energy and help everyone focus.

The great news is that like everything else, paying attention gets better with practice. Don't worry about doing things perfect and don't worry about the bad days. Just keep moving forward and realize that you are helping to teach your child a lifelong skill: How to "Pay Attention."

Let's Talk About Our Guys

At the end of my scripture study class on Thursday, a sweet sister gingerly asked how she could help her husband take a more active role in family scripture study. I could feel her despair and frustration. I wish I had a perfect pat answer to give her so she could go home and make this part of her parenting better. I didn't have an answer for her and I began pondering how to help other sisters with this same question. I think it's something we, in the Mormon culture, need to address.

We are blessed in this day and age to have strong confident women with unwavering testimonies who want to help their children grow in the gospel. We also have loving men, who want their wives to be happy. However, these two things sometimes allow the woman to take over and the man (who isn't stupid) to allow her to do what she is good at. But this arrangement doesn't really work for long. Soon, you will find yourself needing more and feeling overwhelmed and disappointed. 

We, as women, need to support our husbands and trust that they will lead instead of nagging and bossing them to do it.

We must join with our husbands to form a team to work towards a common goal as one, instead of doing it alone and feeling resentment for what he is not doing it.

We must celebrate the small victories and comment on the things he is doing well, instead of always pointing out what he doesn't do.

We must let him lead in his own unique way. He isn't "wrong" and we aren't "right."

We must be prayerful and patient instead of hopeless and stubborn.


I still don't have a perfect pat answer, but beginning an open truthful dialogue about our worries and concerns is the first step in finding that answer. I believe our guys love us and want to be the leaders we need. We must remember that they may feel unqualified and overwhelmed and not know where to turn for guidance. Let's join with them on a journey together to find the best "us" we can be.