Are Your Kids Paying Attention?

Have you ever considered the phrase "Paying Attention?"

Interesting that the way this phrase is used equates attention to money. Can you pay attention like you pay money? In one way it is very similar: they are both finite resources. You only have a specific amount of "attention" and you need to choose where to spend it. 

Consider the countless things that surround you at any one time. Close your eyes and listen to the layers of sound, the different scents, and even the textures of things touching your skin. Now open your eyes and see the colors, shapes and movement all around you. It's no wonder the brain shuts out this avalanche of information and focuses on what seems to be most important at the time. 

So, how do you help your kids choose to "pay" their limited attention on scripture study? Here's some tips:

1) Kids learn in different ways. Experiment with different study tools and see what clicks. Try taking notes (or drawing pictures), try letting them just listen (maybe following along, maybe not), try letting them read silently and look for answers, maybe your child needs movement, let her stand or walk as she reads.

2) Ask good questions. We all know that when we have a focused job to do, it forces you to pay attention. Give the kids something to search for in the scriptures while you are reading. (See my book "Small and Simple Keys of Protection" for great questions already designed for your Book of Mormon study.)

3) Take it in small chunks. Don't worry about finishing a chapter. Study a few verses and discuss what you learned. 

4) Offer rewards. Have skittles or goldfish handy for rewards of reading or answering questions, etc.

5) Add in some unexpected sounds, words, or movements and see who notices. Maybe use the above rewards for those who are "paying attention."

6) Add some meditation to your prayer time. You probably already begin scripture study with prayer. Now, just add some time to teach your kids a calming breathing exercise: Close your eyes and take a deep breath to the count of 4. Then exhale to the count of 6. Repeat. Each time pause a moment before inhaling or exhaling. This will help calm the energy and help everyone focus.

The great news is that like everything else, paying attention gets better with practice. Don't worry about doing things perfect and don't worry about the bad days. Just keep moving forward and realize that you are helping to teach your child a lifelong skill: How to "Pay Attention."

Let's Talk About Our Guys

At the end of my scripture study class on Thursday, a sweet sister gingerly asked how she could help her husband take a more active role in family scripture study. I could feel her despair and frustration. I wish I had a perfect pat answer to give her so she could go home and make this part of her parenting better. I didn't have an answer for her and I began pondering how to help other sisters with this same question. I think it's something we, in the Mormon culture, need to address.

We are blessed in this day and age to have strong confident women with unwavering testimonies who want to help their children grow in the gospel. We also have loving men, who want their wives to be happy. However, these two things sometimes allow the woman to take over and the man (who isn't stupid) to allow her to do what she is good at. But this arrangement doesn't really work for long. Soon, you will find yourself needing more and feeling overwhelmed and disappointed. 

We, as women, need to support our husbands and trust that they will lead instead of nagging and bossing them to do it.

We must join with our husbands to form a team to work towards a common goal as one, instead of doing it alone and feeling resentment for what he is not doing it.

We must celebrate the small victories and comment on the things he is doing well, instead of always pointing out what he doesn't do.

We must let him lead in his own unique way. He isn't "wrong" and we aren't "right."

We must be prayerful and patient instead of hopeless and stubborn.


I still don't have a perfect pat answer, but beginning an open truthful dialogue about our worries and concerns is the first step in finding that answer. I believe our guys love us and want to be the leaders we need. We must remember that they may feel unqualified and overwhelmed and not know where to turn for guidance. Let's join with them on a journey together to find the best "us" we can be.