One of my most popular posts is about digital choices in scripture study. I still think this is a great choice, but I also think we need to be careful. We all know there are problems with the addictions of digital devices in our society. Here is an interview with author Sherry Turkle about her book, Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other. She tells us that we are beginning to lose the art of face-to-face communications. We go to dinner with friends, but take turns texting, which leads to a surface conversation. Children complain that their parents are not paying attention to them. Teens refuse to even have a phone conversation because they cannot "plan out" what they are going to say like you can in a text. It is obvious that our digital life is not going away, and there are many advantages to it, but what can we do to help minimize the negative affects on our family? 1) Make certain places/times in our home a digital free zone. Keep a basket in the living room for phones during meals. 2) Make a pledge to put phones/tablets/ laptops face down when someone is talking to you. 3) Have one scripture study a week a "digital free" study. Enjoy digging into the scriptures and highlighting by hand. 4) Help your kids be comfortable in a conversation. Help them make phone calls, talk to friends face to face, or visit neighbors. 5) Have fun together as a family, without devices. Play games, laugh together, take a walk.
Brother Durant introduced a new word to our vocabulary in the Sunday afternoon session of General Conference. He told us to "ponderize" a new scripture each week.
He told us that if we have been snorkeling in the scriptures, we can begin scuba diving. Let's Dive In!
He asked us to pick one scripture a week and to ponder it and try to memorize that scripture during the week. He also said that this was not to take the place of scripture study, but to add to it.
Here's some ideas for "ponderizing" scriptures with your family:
1) During you family scripture study, keep your heart open for a scripture that will touch your family.
2) Have your kids highlight the scripture chosen, print the scripture out and post it in your home.
3) Text the scripture to your teens.
4) Write the scripture on a post it and put it in your car. Say it out loud with your kids while you are on your weekly errands.
5) Take turns sharing thoughts about the scripture during breakfast or dinner.
6) Spend some time during one of your family scripture study time to discuss and write about the scripture in journals.
We are now a couple of weeks into school, and fall activities have begun. Your family's schedule is undoubtedly packed. But don't forget to make time for family scripture study. Life is busy and hectic; you have to make room for things that matter. Here's a few quick tips to make family scripture study happen: 1) Meet together as a family and pledge to have scripture study every day. Discuss ways to make it happen as a family. Get everyone's ideas, problems, and solutions. 2) Decide what time of day will work for you. Before school? After dinner? Before dinner? Before bedtime? And get it on the calendar. You might have some days that after dinner is too crazy, so plan to read early that day. If you have a plan you won't end the day THEN realize you didn't get your scripture study done. Some families have a planning meeting each Sunday or Monday for the week. This would be the perfect time to decide when to study each day that week. 3) Don't be afraid to be creative. You could read to your kids while they eat breakfast. You could have the kids take turns reading in the car as you drive them to soccer practice. You could take turns reading and doing the dinner dishes. 4) If your family scripture time is not "perfect" enjoy it anyway. Some families can't meet all at the same time. Do two or three groups of study if needed. You might have young ones who can only sit through one verse. Read the verse, praise your little ones and move on. 5) Use your digital devises. Maybe you will study a certain chapter or verse and send it out by text. You can then each read, ponder and reply. Add the thoughts to your digital scripture journal. Digital devices make looking up cross references so easy. Use it to make your study more interesting.
6) Find the right tool for your family. Do some online or bookstore research to find the tool that will make the limited amount of time give your great returns. Check out my book here: Small and Simple Keys of Protection. 7) Do your best, but don't beat yourself up when things don't go as planned. Just keep going. Tell me what has worked for you in different stages of your family's life.
One day, I was riding my husband's motorcycle (much bigger and more powerful than mine) and it decided to die on me. I pulled over to the side of the road to fix the problem. My husband came to meet me and helped me fix the issue. He then waited to make sure I got back onto the road safely. Then I realized I had a problem. There was quite an edge to the road that dropped off onto the side where I was sitting with the bike. I had learned in motorcycle safety that you always want to hit a square edge at as close to ninety degrees as possible. This way your tire will roll right over the obstacle instead of glancing the edge and throwing you sideways. I looked at the edge of the road and wondered how I would turn the front wheel tight enough to hit the edge yet not throw the bike into oncoming traffic. I considered riding down the edge of the road in hopes of finding a better spot to reenter, but the edge was littered with rocks and pebbles, also not safe on a motorcycle. I knew the only option I had was to just go for it. So, knowing my husband was watching and hoping to not make a fool of myself, I gave it some gas, turned the handlebars and bumped onto the road. Oh, I wobbled and I was scared for a second, but I made it. I straightened out the bike and continued on my way. When you find yourself on the edge of the road with your scripture study, remember you have to hit it head on. Don't find excuses or do it half way, just go for it. You might wobble and you might make mistakes, but you can always straighten it back out again. Quit riding on the edge of the road wondering if or when you should start your family scripture study. Turn the handlebars and begin.
Once upon a time there was a family who lived in a land where dragons were known to wander. They had been warned many times by elders in their village that a dragon could come upon them at any time. They believed these elders and wanted to be prepared, but they were just so busy. They had to find food, repair their little cabin, and care for their animals. They tried to teach their kids how to handle a sword, and a couple showed some promise. Every month or two they would gather their children and discuss where to hide and when to run. They wanted to be prepared, but it was just too much work. They couldn't do it all.
Next door was another family, just as busy, but they decided preparing for the eventual appearance of the dragon was a priority. Every evening the family gathered outside to learn swordsmanship, archery, and hand-to hand combat. They took turns teaching skills like tracking, food gathering, and camouflage. Many nights the parents of this little family went to bed tired and discouraged at the things still left undone. They wondered if their efforts were in vain.
Then one day, many years later, the dragon appeared.
"We live in that time of which the Lord spoke when he said, “Peace shall be taken from the earth, and the devil shall have power over his own dominion.” (D&C 1:35.) We live in that day which John the Revelator foresaw when “the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.” (Rev. 12:17.) The dragon is Satan; the woman represents the Church of Jesus Christ. Satan is waging war against the members of the Church who have testimonies and are trying to keep the commandments. And while many of our members are remaining faithful and strong, some are wavering. Some are falling. Some are fulfilling John’s prophecy that in the war with Satan, some Saints would be overcome. (See Rev. 13:7.)"
Just the other day, my thirteen-year-old complained that she doesn't understand the scriptures. What? We've been studying them as a family for years, not to mention the 9 years in primary and one in Young Women. What does she mean she doesn't understand the Book of Mormon? Then later that week, I dove back into a book I've been trying to finish for over a year: Moby Dick. Have you read it? Wow, it's in English, but sometimes I'm really not sure it is English. "Ere quitting, for the nonce, the Sperm Whale's head, I would have you, as a sensible physiologist, simply—particularly remark its front aspect, in all its compacted collectedness. I would have you investigate it now with the sole view of forming to yourself some unexaggerated, intelligent estimate of whatever battering-ram power may be lodged there. Here is a vital point; for you must either satisfactorily settle this matter with yourself, or for ever remain an infidel as to one of the most appalling, but not the less true events, perhaps anywhere to be found in all recorded history."
I must admit that I have a degree in English and writing, but have never read Moby Dick, so I decided to tackle it. It was while I was struggling through sentences like these, that I realized it must be how kids feel trying to understand the language of the scriptures. It is supposed to be English, but it somehow doesn't seem like English.
Another good example of the frustrations of scripture reading comes from the silly movie, "Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail." There is one scene where they need advice from what I assume is supposed to be a form of the scriptures. When it is read to them, it is overly repetitive and frustrating. Yup, that can be the scriptures, too.
So, what can we do as parents? How do we help our kids over the hump of dislike, misunderstanding, and confusion as we try to cultivate a love of the scriptures?
1) Understand their frustration. Learning the language of the scriptures is very much like learning a foreign language. Read something like Moby Dick or Three Musketeers to understand your child's perspective a little better.
2) Study in small chunks. Don't overwhelm your kids. Even if they are older, studying in small chunks will help them to feel like they are accomplishing something. This will also help them not dread study time, they know they can do it.
3) Stop and discuss. Stop to explain strange words or phrases. Make sure they feel comfortable asking questions. Always end your study session with a summary and possibly discuss what can be learned from what you read that day.
4) Review new words learned. It's fun to just throw some of the words you learn during your study time into regular conversation. Ask if they have written an "epistle" to grandma lately. Tell them we don't appreciate "wrath" when a someone makes a mistake. Ask if having to clean their room feels like an "affliction."
5) Find the right study tools for your family. See what's out there to help your family succeed. My book Small and Simple Keys of Protection is written to help you succeed. You study the Book of Mormon in small chunks and always end with a discussion. It's simple and easy.
In our lesson in Relief Society we read this quote by President Ezra Taft Benson, "Now we not only need to say more about the Book of Mormon, but we need to do more with it." It doesn't do any good to discuss the scriptures if we don't take any action. What do we need to DO with the Book of Mormon (and I will add any scripture)? 1) Read it. We can't build a testimony or begin to understand it until we take the time to open the scriptures and read it. 2) Study it. Reading the scriptures is your first step. Next you need to take the time to study. What are you learning? What does it teach you? 3) Teach from it. One of the best ways to learn something is to teach it. Teach your kids from the scriptures. Teach your friends. Teach each other. 4) Share it. When you love something, you want to share it. Be excited to share what you know from the scriptures with those around you.
I watched this sweet video on lds.org and it made be think of the commitment we sometimes have to make in order to help others. In this story, a group of men commit to serve a women with MS every evening for the foreseeable future (so far they have helped her every night for seven years). The men in the story talk about trying to serve her without making that huge obligation, but they get inspiration from one man who exclaims that he will do it by himself if he needs to.
Here's what I learned from this story to help you with your commitment to Family Scripture Study: 1) Leading Family Scripture Study is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes this feels overwhelming, but we can do it one day at a time. 2) We can be inspired by the example of others. Seeing the success of others can help to keep you going. 3) When we serve others, we make ourselves happy. Remember that leading Family Scripture Study is service. Begin to notice how this service makes you happy. 4) As you work to make your Family Scripture Study a success, you will find that your scripture "muscles" will grow, blessing you personally as well as your family. 5) Don't try to do it all alone. These men all pitched in together to serve. Find a way to spread the responsibility (and blessings). 6) Even though the men felt awkward and burdened at first, they came to love their job. Work your way through the awkward stage until you and your family love scripture study time!
I went to a baptism this weekend, where a young father was getting baptized and the person I was there to support was the mother of his wife. About 21 years ago, I was this young wife. Sitting at this baptism, I began to shift my perspective from mine to that of my mother as I put myself in the shoes of my friend. I could see the love she had for her daughter and the joy for her son-in-law's new commitment to the gospel. I began to imagine how my mom must have felt at my husband's baptism. Oh, how things change with perspective. When was the last time you looked at your family scripture study from the perspective of your kids? Instead of getting frustrated that they won't sit still, won't listen, won't be reverent, have you taken the time to consider why? Put yourself in your toddler's shoes (if she will put them on today) and consider how she feels during study time. Is she included? Does she learn? Is she bored? How about your young elementary child? Does he have a hard time sitting still? What if you let him move about during study time? Why if he could draw or build while you read? Does he get frustrated with the difficult words? Are you patient while he sounds out new words? I know, what about your teen? She is bored to tears waiting for the little one to figure out how that the word still says "people" for the third time. How can you include her? Have you asked her what she needs? Is she learning anything? What could she do to help? How could a change in perspective change your scripture study tonight?
I enjoyed General Conference on Easter weekend and took many notes. I'm excited to share with you some of the things I learned, but tonight at our family scripture study we read about Nephi obtaining the plates of brass and it made me think about doing things that seem impossible.
Our family discussed how easy it would have been for Nephi and the other brothers to give up and go back to Lehi without the plates. It would make sense. They tried twice, almost got killed, lost all their money, and were running for their lives. There is not much more they could have done. However, Nephi knew that God had commanded them to get the plates and he was not going to go back to his father without them. He had faith that the Lord would make it happen. How many times do we feel like we have done everything we could to follow the commandment of studying the scriptures as a family, yet it doesn't seem to work? "We have tried many times. We can't find a time in the day where we are all together. We have kids who can't sit still and can't read, they just aren't ready. I'm tired of fighting my teens, who don't want to participate." (What is your excuse?) Ask yourself if you have enough faith to move forward "not knowing beforehand the things which (you) should do" (1 Nephi 4:6). What miracles will come your way because you did not give up? What lessons will you teach your kids of persistence and obedience? Let's not return to our Father in the wilderness and tell him we tried, but it was just too hard. He will make a way for you to "accomplish the thing which he hath commanded you" (1 Nephi 3;15). Please share problems and solutions you have found to family scriptures study. I am always amazed at the creative solutions shared with me.
These past few weeks have made me think of new beginnings. We got to participate in a baptism, it was the beginning of Spring, and of course today we are celebrating Easter, the ultimate new beginning. Each of these times in our life is an opportunity to reflect on things past and consider ways to improve as we move forward. We can set new goals and begin to reach higher like many do on New Years Day. The more I thought of these times, the more I realized that we have this chance each day. As we kneel in prayer at the close of each day we can take the time to reflect on the successes and failures of that day, and each morning as we greet the new day, we can begin anew. We understand the importance of family scripture study and the blessings it will bring, but many times it is crowded out of our lives by other activities. Don't let past failures dictate future success. Remember that each day is a new day. Make it happen! Consider: 1) What is stopping our family scripture study? 2) What can I do to solve this problem? 3) How can other members of the family help? 4) What am I going to do TODAY to make family scripture study a success today?
My son started playing high school lacrosse this year. He was hoping to make the varsity team even though he is only a freshman and is on the small side. I think he was a little disappointed when he found out he was on the JV team. However, he has now played five games and has had some great opportunities. He is one of the leaders on the defense and has had lots of playing time. He will be able to grow as a player and a leader while he is a member of the JV squad, while if he was on varsity he would be fighting for playing time and feeling left behind in his skills. JV is where he belongs for now.
Are your kids ready for varsity scripture study or does JV fit your family for now? It doesn't help to push your kids past the point for which they are ready. You should set them up for success so that they can prepare for the varsity squad. Here's some suggestions:
1) Allow her to grow through practice: Don't worry about having the perfect scripture study, do a little each time. Don't give up, practice makes perfect.
2) Let him use the skills he has: Is he learning to read? Let him read the words he knows. Does he like to draw or act? Use those skills in your study. Have him make a tower or fort with legos to act out parts of the story. 3) Let her be a leader: Have her help the younger children. Have her ask questions as you read. Let her choose what to study. 4) Help him have success: Try studying stories that he is familiar with. Make sure to study in small segments, so the study time is enjoyable, not tedious. 5) Prepare her for varsity: Make sure to ask questions that will get her to think. Stop studying in the middle of an exciting story. You will be surprised when she asks to keep studying. Praise her desire to learn, and pick up the story the next day. Try using my book "Small and Simple Keys of Protection." It will help you set your child up for scripture study varsity success.
Have you ever considered why your mouth waters when you see someone else bite into a lemon? Or why you flinch when you see someone get hit by a pop fly?
Scientists have discovered something called mirror neurons which could explain this phenomenon. Through studies of both monkey and human brains, scientists found that the same part of the brain is used when doing an action as when watching someone perform the same action. Proving that watching and doing can elicit the same feelings.
We can apply this new discovery to helping our children learn to love the scriptures.
1) Let your children see you reading the scriptures. I know it is easy to read when the kids aren't around, but consider reading sometimes while they are playing or eating lunch. Let them see that you make scripture study a priority.
2) Read to your kids from the scriptures. As you read, use your voice to add feelings and voices to the stories. Help them see and feel your love of the scriptures.
3) Read and cross reference with your kids. Show them how you can learn from studying the scriptures. Show them how to highlight interesting parts that you would like to remember.
Thanks to the mirror neurons we can now understand that being an example to our kids really does make a difference. Let your kids see themselves in you.
Have you ever considered the phrase "Paying Attention?"
Interesting that the way this phrase is used equates attention to money. Can you pay attention like you pay money? In one way it is very similar: they are both finite resources. You only have a specific amount of "attention" and you need to choose where to spend it. Consider the countless things that surround you at any one time. Close your eyes and listen to the layers of sound, the different scents, and even the textures of things touching your skin. Now open your eyes and see the colors, shapes and movement all around you. It's no wonder the brain shuts out this avalanche of information and focuses on what seems to be most important at the time. So, how do you help your kids choose to "pay" their limited attention on scripture study? Here's some tips: 1) Kids learn in different ways. Experiment with different study tools and see what clicks. Try taking notes (or drawing pictures), try letting them just listen (maybe following along, maybe not), try letting them read silently and look for answers, maybe your child needs movement, let her stand or walk as she reads. 2) Ask good questions. We all know that when we have a focused job to do, it forces you to pay attention. Give the kids something to search for in the scriptures while you are reading. (See my book "Small and Simple Keys of Protection" for great questions already designed for your Book of Mormon study.) 3) Take it in small chunks. Don't worry about finishing a chapter. Study a few verses and discuss what you learned. 4) Offer rewards. Have skittles or goldfish handy for rewards of reading or answering questions, etc. 5) Add in some unexpected sounds, words, or movements and see who notices. Maybe use the above rewards for those who are "paying attention." 6) Add some meditation to your prayer time. You probably already begin scripture study with prayer. Now, just add some time to teach your kids a calming breathing exercise: Close your eyes and take a deep breath to the count of 4. Then exhale to the count of 6. Repeat. Each time pause a moment before inhaling or exhaling. This will help calm the energy and help everyone focus. The great news is that like everything else, paying attention gets better with practice. Don't worry about doing things perfect and don't worry about the bad days. Just keep moving forward and realize that you are helping to teach your child a lifelong skill: How to "Pay Attention."
At the end of my scripture study class on Thursday, a sweet sister gingerly asked how she could help her husband take a more active role in family scripture study. I could feel her despair and frustration. I wish I had a perfect pat answer to give her so she could go home and make this part of her parenting better. I didn't have an answer for her and I began pondering how to help other sisters with this same question. I think it's something we, in the Mormon culture, need to address.
We are blessed in this day and age to have strong confident women with unwavering testimonies who want to help their children grow in the gospel. We also have loving men, who want their wives to be happy. However, these two things sometimes allow the woman to take over and the man (who isn't stupid) to allow her to do what she is good at. But this arrangement doesn't really work for long. Soon, you will find yourself needing more and feeling overwhelmed and disappointed.
We, as women, need to support our husbands and trust that they will lead instead of nagging and bossing them to do it.
We must join with our husbands to form a team to work towards a common goal as one, instead of doing it alone and feeling resentment for what he is not doing it.
We must celebrate the small victories and comment on the things he is doing well, instead of always pointing out what he doesn't do.
We must let him lead in his own unique way. He isn't "wrong" and we aren't "right."
We must be prayerful and patient instead of hopeless and stubborn. I still don't have a perfect pat answer, but beginning an open truthful dialogue about our worries and concerns is the first step in finding that answer. I believe our guys love us and want to be the leaders we need. We must remember that they may feel unqualified and overwhelmed and not know where to turn for guidance. Let's join with them on a journey together to find the best "us" we can be.
I have always been a fan of books. I love to hold a book, to turn the pages, to smell the musky papers. A few years ago, my sweet husband bought me a kindle, thinking that my love of books would mean a kindle would be the perfect gift. I have used it a bit, but it seems my preference of a "real" book wins out. So this preference carries over to scriptures, too. I have the scriptures on my phone, but I still carry the big bulky book to church every week, I hunt it down for family scripture study. But, recently I began to use and explore the digital version of the scriptures along with the notebook on LDS.org. There are some definite advantages of digital. Here's some reasons to consider using digital scripture study. 1) It sure makes cross referencing easier. Instead of having to turn countless pages to look up just one cross reference, you just click on the word (colored blue) and the footnote scriptures appear. Then all you do is click on each scripture and it takes you directly to that scripture. Easy, breezy. 2) No need for colored pencils. You can highlight in all different colors by just clicking on the color of your choice. Consider using different colors for different topics. 3) You can have your scriptures with you always. Admit it, you never leave your home without your phone. Voila, you never leave your home without your scriptures! 4) You can record your thoughts and inspiration without worry of limited space. Instead of trying to squeeze your notes in the margins, you can click on the "pencil" on the bottom of the page to leave unlimited notes. You can even title the entries and add them to your digital notebook on LDS.org. 5) Speaking of your notebook: Use your LDS account online, sign in and check out your notebook. You can save notes, "file" your favorite talks or scriptures under your own headings, bookmark important items, and have a digital journal. Any device you sign in on can open this notebook. Great way to have all your notes at your fingertips.
6) You can share your inspirations with a click. Once you have a scripture highlighted, you click on the three squares in the right hand corner and choices will pop up. You can then click on share annotation and share via social media or email. What a cool way to share your thoughts with your teens! 7) Speaking of teens: Knowing how to use your digital scriptures and encouraging your older children to use their devices is a great way to encourage scripture study in your teens. So, go sign on to lds.org and see what you can discover! You might just begin to enjoy the digital age of scripture study.
We all know that studying the scriptures is a commandment. But doing it is not always easy. Check out some of the blessings promised to you for keeping this commandment: "The way to develop greater spirituality . . . ." Ezra Taft Benson ". . . greater wisdom with which to guide ourselves and our families . . . ." Spencer W Kimball “There’s an increase in faith and a desire to do what’s right and a feeling of inspiration and understanding . . . ." Bruce R McConkie "The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents." Marion G. Romney ". . . you will not be deceived in these perilous times, but you shall have the spirit of discernment and you shall know the truth and shall know falsehood, for you shall have power to know the spirits of men and to understand the Spirit of the Lord.” Joseph Fielding Smith “...an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God." Gordon B Hinckley
"Children taught an understanding of the scriptures early in life will come to know the path they should walk and will be more inclined to remain on that path. Those who stray will have the ability to return and, with help,can find their way back." Boyd K Packer "...have faith rather than fear, to find hope and overcome despair, to leave darkness and turn toward the light of the everlasting gospel." Boyd K Packer There will be peace in our homes, love and kindness will grow, children will listen to their parents, and parents will counsel with their children in patience. Daniel L Johnson Just like kids, we all like to know why we should do what we are told. The blessings we are promised can help to give the extra boast needed to move forward. Which blessings are inspiration for you?
One of my most popular posts is about digital choices in scripture study. I still think this is a great choice, but I also think we need to be careful. 
4) Help your kids be comfortable in a conversation. Help them make phone calls, talk to friends face to face, or visit neighbors.
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