When Good Fathers Go Idle

When I was a young mother of two with one on the way, I asked my bishop, "How can I get my husband to take a more active role in teaching the gospel in our home?" The answer I received was very disappointing. He told me it is normal for the mother to do the bulk of the gospel teaching and that is just the way it is.

However, now that I have been married for over twenty years and my youngest of four is almost ten, I realize I asked the wrong question. What I should have said is: "I feel frustrated with the lack of initiative on the part of my husband in helping to teach our children the gospel. How do I support him in his duty of presiding over the home without making him feel judged, pressured, or nagged?"

Here are four suggestions to help if you are facing this dilemma in your family.

1) Make it a matter of prayer. Pray for discernment to know what your family needs. Pray for the strength and perseverance to do anything you must to make family scripture study a priority.

2) Accept that you cannot change others. You can only change yourself. You can't force, coerse or guilt your husband into being the "perfect Mormon dad." He is a good man, love him for who he is and work on changing things that you have control over in order to achieve your family goals.

3) Talk about it. Remember you are a team. Discuss your hopes and goals together as a couple, then you can make a plan that works for everyone. Approached this way, you are not telling your husband what you expect, but you are working together to achieve a mutual goal.

4) Make it a family affair. Take turns with members of your family being in charge of gathering the family for study, leading the study, making sure you have family prayer. (Using my book will make leading scripture study a breeze for anyone.) This way your husband won't feel the entire responsibility rests on him.

Remember from the Proclamation on the Family:

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs. . . . In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

Comment: I would love to hear your experiences with dad and scripture study. How does it work in your family?

Reading TO My Teen?

One of the challenges of family scripture study is the difficulty of teaching a wide variety of ages. How do you keep teens involved and interested while at the same time coaching emergent readers through the complex language of the scriptures?

 My suggestion may surprise you. 

Try reading aloud.      Even teens enjoy being read to, although they may not admit it. And if they get to "be lazy" while they kick back and listen, I can't imagine any complaining.

Allowing kids to use their imagination as they listen to the story develop can build a connection to the scriptures that may not happen when your child is slogging through word by word. 

Many experts say we stop reading to our kids much younger that we should. 

Jim Trelease, author of , Read-Aloud Handbook, says, " A fifth-grader can enjoy a more complicated plot than she can read herself, and reading aloud is really going to hook her, . . . there is really complicated, serious stuff going on that kids are ready to hear and understand, even if they can't read at that level yet."

Trelease is not referring to scripture study, specifically, however, can you think of any literature that has more "complicated, serious stuff going on?"

Another plus of reading aloud from the scriptures is that kids will begin recognizing and understanding the language of the scriptures. By reading aloud your voice can convey meanings that many times get lost while small children struggle to sound out each word. Imagine the confidence a child will feel when he begins to recognize words and phrases each time you read.

Reading aloud to your kids has other benefits too. Wandering Eductators’ Dr. Jessica Voigts reads to her daughter because, "This is a time — tweens, teens — when life is full of craziness. This is one way to have a place of rest, of being, something to count on each day. Shared words have power, an energy that you can’t get from TV, radio, or online."  

Add the energy of shared words, the bonds you forge through giving words to your children, and the power of the scriptures and you've got an unbeatable result. 

So, consider reading aloud to your kids once in a while during family scripture study. Get out your "acting" voice and let the scriptures come to life.

http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/05/why-reading-aloud-to-older-children-is-valuable/
 http://www.greatschools.org/students/7104-read-aloud-to-children.gs

Just Do It!

Family scripture study is an important part of building a Christ-centered home, yet sometimes it just doesn't happen. Are your excuses on my list? Maybe a solution is too!

1) We don't have time.
"Most of us have more things expected of us than we can possibly do. We face many choices on what we will do with our time. . . . Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness . . . that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth." Good, Better, Best by Elder Dallin H Oaks (Oct 2007 Conference)

Be creative. There isn't a "right" way. Many families get up early to make time for scripture study which also give you the bonus of leaving the home having already invited the spirit into your life. However, early morning does not work for me. I admit it, I'm not a morning person and I'm not going to make my kids get up earlier than they have to. So, we have found other ways to make our scripture study work. We have studied around the dinner table (before or after dinner), we have read right before bed, we have even read in shifts when needed. Find what works for your family.

2) The kids don't understand the scriptures.
"The years from birth to age 10 are the peak years for acquiring the language that will become the foundation for understanding future knowledge and truth. A very young child’s potential for learning and understanding is far greater than we tend to believe. The exciting possibility is that while children are learning new words daily, they can learn the language of the scriptures. In time, through the guidance of parents and teachers, they will grow in their understanding that Heavenly Father is speaking to them through the scriptures, that the scriptures can help them find answers to their problems." Teaching Our Children to Love the Scriptures by Anne G Wirthlin (April 1998 Conference)

You will be surprised how much young children understand. Consider that you are teaching your children another language. You are teaching them the language of the spirit. In future posts, I will address simple ideas to study the scriptures with young children.

3) “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!”
"Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the . . . strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work. . . as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes." More Diligent and Concerned at Home by Elder David A. Bednar (Oct 2009 Conference)

Many LDS women suffer from an affliction called perfection. Somehow we have this beautiful image of a family calmly gathered around a table ready to share their spiritual experiences of the day. This vision only exists in other people's homes, so we get frustrated at the failure and give up. Get real! And get moving! Do what you can and celebrate small realistic successes.

4) It's too hard. I don't know what to do.
. . .Our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward. We acknowledge that your path will at times be difficult. But I give you this promise in the name of the Lord: rise up and follow in the footsteps of our Redeemer and Savior, and one day you will look back and be filled with eternal gratitude that you chose to trust the Atonement and its power to lift you up and give you strength. And sometimes we just need someone to look us in the eyes, take our hand, and say, “You can do it now!” You Can Do It Now by Pres Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Oct 2013 Conference)

Sometimes we don't know where to start or how to do it. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Have the faith to begin today. Open the scriptures and start to read. Know that "You can do it now!"

Leave a comment: What are your reasons for not having family scripture study? What creative ways have you solved problems blocking a successful scripture study?

What would you like to see on my blog? Fill out the contact form to the right and I'll do the research for you!

Keys of Protection

Elder Boyd K Packer told us in the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference (Oct 2013) that "scriptures hold the key to our spiritual protection." They teach of actions we should take and things to be wary of. They teach the language of our Heavenly Father and of His love for us. They tell the story of Jesus and the gift of His life.

It is our job as parents to begin instilling the habit of scripture study in our children as early as possible. Moses said, "Thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children." (Deut. 6:7)

I began studying the Book of Mormon with my children as young as three and found that they quickly learned the language of the scriptures. My testimony of reading from the scriptures has grown along with my children.

Years ago I searched for a book to help me study the Book of Mormon with my kids, but I couldn't find it, so I decided to write one.  I have learned through my life that simplicity is the key to success, so my guide follows the simple format of "ask a question, find the answer in the scriptures, then discuss." We know that by "small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6). Elder Packer promised us that if we "make the scriptures a part of our routine, . . . we will find hope and peace for ourselves and our families." That is a blessing I could use in this world of "perilous times."

I am now ready to share this guide with you. I will have the book self-published in the next few weeks, but the first five people to fill out the contact form below will receive the first chapter of my book for free by email.

Through this blog and my book, A Small and Simple Guide for Studying the Book of Mormon with Your Children, I will share hints and inspirations to include the Book of Mormon in your life.

I pray that you will find strength in studying the Book of Mormon with your children and that you will share your joy with others.

Leave a comment: Is this something you could use in your life? Why or why not?