When Good Fathers Go Idle

When I was a young mother of two with one on the way, I asked my bishop, "How can I get my husband to take a more active role in teaching the gospel in our home?" The answer I received was very disappointing. He told me it is normal for the mother to do the bulk of the gospel teaching and that is just the way it is.

However, now that I have been married for over twenty years and my youngest of four is almost ten, I realize I asked the wrong question. What I should have said is: "I feel frustrated with the lack of initiative on the part of my husband in helping to teach our children the gospel. How do I support him in his duty of presiding over the home without making him feel judged, pressured, or nagged?"

Here are four suggestions to help if you are facing this dilemma in your family.

1) Make it a matter of prayer. Pray for discernment to know what your family needs. Pray for the strength and perseverance to do anything you must to make family scripture study a priority.

2) Accept that you cannot change others. You can only change yourself. You can't force, coerse or guilt your husband into being the "perfect Mormon dad." He is a good man, love him for who he is and work on changing things that you have control over in order to achieve your family goals.

3) Talk about it. Remember you are a team. Discuss your hopes and goals together as a couple, then you can make a plan that works for everyone. Approached this way, you are not telling your husband what you expect, but you are working together to achieve a mutual goal.

4) Make it a family affair. Take turns with members of your family being in charge of gathering the family for study, leading the study, making sure you have family prayer. (Using my book will make leading scripture study a breeze for anyone.) This way your husband won't feel the entire responsibility rests on him.

Remember from the Proclamation on the Family:

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs. . . . In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

Comment: I would love to hear your experiences with dad and scripture study. How does it work in your family?